Last night it was apparent to me that though I'm tracking and trying very hard to stay within my points, I'm not truly following through on my goals. I'm still struggling with worrying about my son. Luca is very healthy and hasn't had any problems since my last dairy slip up in NM. But last night out of no where my mind started to race and before I knew it I was really upset worrying about things large and small. I think I have never loved anyone or anything so much as this tiny boy and the unknown scares me. Getting that upset means I am not even trying to follow through on my original goal of "Having Faith". Maybe all first time mothers feel this way, or maybe not. Maybe I'm completely manic, who knows. But I really need to give up the idea that my son is safe or healthy because of me. I can't control the world around him or anything within his body. I have to believe that as much as I love my son that God loves him even more and can control all of the things I cannot. This is extremely hard for me. But maybe faith just takes practice. So practice I will. I don't want to live in fear of the unknown nor do I want to teach my son that, that is any way to function or live. I don't want him to be afraid of anything.
As for the weight loss goal, I'm not sure how I'm doing on that one. This is third week in a row that I have missed WW meetings. Yesterday I did track and did stay within my points. Tonight I tracked and stayed within my points as well. I am going to wait until next Wed. to weigh in. I guess we'll see.I also need to follow through on my exercise goal. This is major. I need to stop with the excuses and just find the time. It's not going to be easy, but even if I can just work out three times a week. I'm drinking only about half the water that I wanted to and still not taking daily vitamins.
I need to try harder and not partially follow through, but do the best I can at completely following through.
So tomorrow's goals are to focus on:
-Tracking
-Making good eating decisions
-Drinking 8 glasses of water
-Having faith
-Exercising for 30 minutes
-Taking my vitamins
About half of these goals take almost no effort at all and the others will take much more. I'd like to have an honest success to share you ladies tomorrow. Cross your fingers.
Alisa, you sound as real as anyone can be. I bet all mama's have/had the same worries as you do. Faith will come & so will comfort. As you're blogging to us, sip on some water. Maybe vow to get through at least one class while completing the blog. Teeny steps still move you forward, Sister! Keep on pushin'! We got ya covered.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine that being a new Mom is a little terrifying for all Mom's. Well, except for that crazy Duggar lady. After 19 babies, I'm thinking she's not too worried. You doing great! I've seen the pics! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh Lee you are so normal. When you get in these fear states of mind, call someone. Call me so i can tell you it's all good. Call people who you know will take you out of that fear or distract you. This is one of the hardest times of being a mom because you are so vulnerable. I use to make myself cry with all the crazy thoughts that ran through my head. Shit, I still cry. I promise you it will get easier and you will learn to have more faith. You are right on that God has Luca in his hands and he wants even more for him than you can imagine. Luca will be fearless and strong because you and Greg are fearless and strong. He will also be confident because he has a mommy and daddy that loves him sooooo much. You are incredible and I'm proud of you!!
ReplyDeleteHe a beautiful healthy strong little boy, who has an Mommy just as great. It's okay worry, try working on aknowledging the worry, praying on it, and moving to a new though. Great suggestion by T, call someone, call me! I've got some ridiculous distracting conversation up my sleeve :) Love you lady!!
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