I just can't get it together

Thats right, you read the title. I am just not feeling it anymore. I have unofficially lost my motivation. I say unofficially because there is still a little voice inside saying "It's only going to get worse if you do nothing". Tomorrow I'm going to try and start over. I just want to get my mojo back. I'm still not tracking or really eating well. Usually my first two meals are ok, dinner is hit and miss, but then I have started snacking at night. I have never been a snacker. I have a lot of issues with food, but until recently that has never been one of them. I just get hungry... maybe it's real hunger, but probably not. I really don't want to start any new bad habits, I have enough of those already.

As you ladies know, I've been talking to my boss about working from home part time. Over the last week I have been going back in forth with him. In the end I have negotiated two days a week from home. It's not what I originally wanted, but I am not turning it down. I'm going to give it a try and see how it works out. I'm hoping that it becomes the perfect compromise. Now I need start interviewing Nannies for the days I'm not home. Hopefully I can find someone great.

Keeping the goals for tomorrow simple:

Track

Eat well

Thanks:

My boy... he seriously cracks me up (I know I write about him a lot but I just can't help myself)

Working from home/more time with the boy YAY!

Mom and Stepfather are coming to visit in June

The sun shining even if it's still cold

Having an excuse to redo my office/guest bedroom

Break Down Shake Down

Hi FTers, long time no blog. I just didn't want to. But I'm trying to get it together. My eating these past two weeks have not been the best but not dreadful, but the last couple of the days I have been mindful of my eating and I've been drinking an decent amount of water and taking my vitamins for a while now. Tomorrow I will start tracking again.

The clock is ticking and my return to work is quickly approaching. I hate it. Last Friday I went and checked out a daycare that was highly recommended to me. It was fine and the woman in-charge of the infant room was very nice, but I just couldn't imagine leaving my son there 5 days a week. I cried driving home from the tour. I've been in talks with my manager to work from home a 2.5 days a week. He was very receptive when I gave him my proposal... today I got an email from him saying that he showed my proposal to his boss and now they have a "very different" option for me. My heart dropped when I read that. It's going to be some shit like "you can work 4-10s" I just know it. If they offer me some lame option, I seriously don't know if I'll go back. I do have one more trick up my sleeve... I called my friend who works at our North American HQ. He's given me some info on a freelance design gig. I may have to explore that option more soon. First, I'm going to call my boss tomorrow and hopefully get the whole scoop.

Since I've been gone a while I feel like it might me a good idea for me to re-examine my goals:

1. Track and go to WW weigh-ins.

2. Loose weight... for myself and for my family. I don't want to pass on any of my food issues.

3. Have faith

4. Get Active, even if it's just a brisk walk around the block.

goals for tomorrow:

1. Track

2. Drink more water

3. Appreciate every moment with my son

4. Stay focused

Thanks:

1. My cousin Iris

2. The love that my son receives from my friends and family

3. Spring is March 22!

4. My husband supporting me, even though the thought of me not working really freaks him out

5. That my Mom is coming in June!!!!

TOXIC

The name of my blog is totally inappropriate. For being called RIP frosting, I'm eating a lot of effing frosting. Frosting is not dead in my house. My husband... he's such a love, but today he went food shopping for us and among other things bought a box of dark chocolate brownies and dark chocolate frosting for on top. I should have thrown them away or at least put them in the back of the pantry, but instead I baked them. These mediocre boxed mixes are freaking toxic for me. All these non-dairy, chemical filled, artificially flavored baked goods are bad news. Right now I'm making a vow... no more will I eat this crap. They are derailing my weight loss and making me feel icky.

So it's safe to say that I did not follow through on today's goal of eating reasonably. Wah wah waaaah.

Tomorrow's goals:

NO BROWNIES

Eat reasonably

Track

Take vitamins

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

That I can make changes in my life

Luca has his 4 month appointment tomorrow

My husband offered to throw away the rest of the brownies:)

My mom joined WW

Thick fluffy socks... my feet are cold without them

Ay ya ya

I haven't blogged in several days, mostly because I just didn't want to. I also haven't wanted to track or eat reasonably either. Today I felt like I might want to get back into things. The +2 lbs really threw me off. Rather than being motivated by it and saying "Yeah, I'm going to show those 2 lbs GRRRR!" Then like head butt something. Instead, I made another freaking Duncan Hines cake. But honestly, I'm okay with it.

I'm also re-evaluating my WW status. The meetings are just not me. I don't go to them, so basically I'm just paying for weigh-ins. So I think I'm going to adjust my WW plan to just online. I still really see the value with the tracking app on my phone, so I'll need to pay for the e-tools, but I will just weigh myself from home.

I still have no idea if I'm going back to work in mid April. I'm really hoping that things just become clear to me soon. I'm super conflicted and it's just not an easy decision to make. I really want to be home with my boy. I love our time together. But, I also know how hard it will be to give up having financial freedom and a career.

So goals for tomorrow:

Track

Eat reasonably

Take my vitamins

Drink more water

Straighten my hair

Thankfulness:

Being home with my boy for the first 6 months of his precious life

Making new friends

Fun with old friends

Conan... I have loved his show for forever

That I don't eat cigarette ashes or laundry detergent... have you seen this show??? It's just gross. All these "hording" and "weird addiction" shows are so exploitive.

I don't effing appreciate it

I went to weigh in yesterday completely prepared to get my -1.4. For some reason my body has decided to let go of weight 1.4 lbs at a time. Now I am reasonable girl, my expectations are not crazy. When I eat like an asshole and don't track, I fully expect to gain. But when you track all week long and eat reasonably,(except for my cupcake binge- which was all tracked)and stay within my points, I would have never guessed that I would have gained. I stepped on the scale and the lady pauses and says in a low voice "you had a little bit of a gain". I immediately think oh, like .5 or something not so tragic, after all I tracked my points. Then she continues "2 pounds". What???? I look at her confused and repeat "2 pounds????"

What kind of bullshit is this????

Fast forward to today... I eat like jerk and didn't track a thing. It's almost like I'm trying to punish WW for letting me down. RETARDED, I'm sure I didn't teach WW a lesson. I'm pissed off. I've only lost 4 lbs total and now I've gained half of it back. WW, I am not one of your fans!!!!!!

Ok, now that I've ranted sufficiently, on with tomorrows goals:

Party with Gallant and Fava

Buy a cute shirt for said partying

Track- even if it's bullshit

Eat reasonably

Thankfulness:

That I have 40 lbs to lose and not 100

Being with Luca every day

Music

The mommy/baby group... Luca has a friend named Theodore

Gallant and Fava, my sisters from another mister

Attack of the killer CUPCAKES

I had a great Valentines day with my two boys. We usually don't exchange gifts for Valentines, we kind of consider it a fake holiday. But we will go out for a nice dinner. This year because of the little dude, rather than get a sitter we decided to just stay home and cook dinner together. I made Mexican, my husbands favorite. Mexican is really quite good without the cheese... there are so many other flavors that you just don't miss it. I also baked some cupcakes... not a good move. I was looking online for dairy free cupcake recipes and came across a blog from a mom of two kids with dairy allergies. Her blog was about trying to find cake that her kids could eat, anyway she says that Duncan Hines makes dairy free cake mixes and frostings. Now usually I will snub my nose at boxed cake mixes, I'm a total snob when it comes to baked goods. But I have been craving cake so I freaking made boxed cake... and it was good... enough. So good in fact that I eat 4 cupcakes on Valentines. You know how many points that was... 26. Seriously, 26 points. Ay ya ya. Needless to say I cut a chunk out of my weekly points. So we will see how weigh in goes tomorrow. The thing is that I did really well the rest of the week, hopefully I didn't blow it completely.

Tomorrow's goals:

Track

Stay within my points

Go to mommy & baby group

Weigh in

Thankfulness:

Theresa, She's been my best friend since high school

My family in New Mexico, I miss them so much

Laughing at the top of my lungs... going to do much of that on Friday night!!!

Baked goods, even bad ones sometimes aren't so bad

Losing weight little by little

good night!

Finding the Time

It's been a couple of days since you've heard from me. I have recently re-evaluated my schedule. In doing so, I have lost the time I used to use for blogging. The good new is that I'm more rested the bad news is it's a little tough trying to find time to blog now.

So to catch you up, I did go to WW on Wednesday night. I'm down another 1.4. I'm just glad I didn't gain. This week has gone really well as far as my eating goes. Yesterday I did cut into my weekly points a little, but only by 3. Otherwise I've been doing pretty good. I'm excited to hopefully lose another 1.5 at Wednesdays weigh in.

Tonight I'm eating food from my favorite Thai restaurant. I've ordered Tom Yom Goong soup with Fresh Rolls. I'm not sure what points either of those are going to cost me, but I feel pretty good about my choices. At least I didn't order Drunken Noodles.

Goals for Tomorrow:

Blog

Track

Eat within my points

Thankfulness:

Skyping with my Brother today

A healthy baby boy

My home

No snow

Not being so sleepy

I may not be skinnier but...

At least I eat within my points today! I mean I eat to the last point. No points wasted here. I have nothing interesting to say tonight, not that most of my blogs are all that interesting. I'm going to WW with April tomorrow to weigh in and face the music.

Hopefully it's not too bad.

I'm also going to go to a Mommy/Baby group tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm going to like it much, but at least I will be able to talk about baby stuff with someone other mothers. Poor Gallant, I'm always talking to her about something baby related, she's such a good sport.

My goals for tomorrow:

Go to WW

Make a Dermatologist appointment

Eat within my points

Track

Go to Baby group

Thankfulness:

My WW app on my phone

My husband is funny, he cracks me up.

Chocolate Brown- it's my go-to color

That I hate fast food

Eating within my points

Quickly... before he wakes up!

I accomplished both goals for today. Track & blog. I indeed tracked all my points and in doing so, found out that I eat 51. Eeeek. So I went over my points allowance by 8 points.

It was that damn french bread again. I mean it was handmade, freshly baked french bread. I only did what any sane person would do... I eat it quickly before it got stale and hard (I hate crunchy bread). Oh and did I mention that I eat all by myself, Greg didn't even get a bite. But before you judge me too harshly, know that it was only about 6-7 inches long. It wasn't a whole baguette, thank god. Oh and I added vegan butter all over it.

Even though I did over indulge today, I feel a bit more motivated than I did over the weekend. I need a little bit of a push to get me focused again. I need more motivation than "for my health". That's what I can tell myself later, but for right now it is really all about getting into a smaller size and feeling good in my skin. I need a loss at next weeks weigh in. So the plan is until next weeks weigh in to eat well and within my points. Just to see what perfect will get me. Because at this point I am fully aware of what messing around gets me... unmotivated.

So tomorrows goals:

Stay within my points allowance

Track everything

Blog

Shopping

Thankfulness:

-My knee feel really great... I was supposed to have surgery on my knee last year and decided against it. I'm so glad I didn't because my knee feels great and hasn't given me any problems for the last year.

-My Brother. He's a sweet boy and a much nicer person than I am.

-The land of enchantment. I love my home, I miss New Mexico so much.

-Starting over

-Swaddling... the boy sleeps so well when he's swaddled giving me some time to shower, eat, an hour or two of alone time, all stuff you take for granted before you have a baby.

Fessing up

So... I didn't blog yesterday and I really didn't feel like blogging tonight. I'm feeling dangerously unmotivated. I also haven't tracked my food in two days. Hopefully this is just bad couple of days. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and be totally ready to do this. Even if I don't, I will continue. I need to FOLLOW THROUGH.

I need to get serious and I'm not sure why this is proving to be so difficult.

I'm going to keep my goals for tomorrow simple:

TRACK and BLOG. Thats it. I think accomplishing these two goals will keep me accountable and aware, which is super important for me as I'm teetering on the edge.

Thankfulness:

-My FTers... I'm glad you ladies are watching.

-Freshly baked french bread... Thank you April, I couldn't resist and already had some with my non-dairy fake butter

-My curls, I got several complements today... at least others like them ;)

-Breastfeeding. It sounds weird to people and some are even freaked out by it. But I'm so grateful for the experience of feeding my son the most natural, organic way I can.

-Laying in bed with my boys just hanging out in our pajamas.

dreaming of butter cream frosting

I am dreaming of cake with butter cream frosting. I guess the no dairy thing is coming in handy. Otherwise, I would have totally ordered a dozen of my favorite white chocolate macadamia nut cupcakes from April, baker extraordinaire. Notice that I didn't order cupcakes because I'm on WW and I'm working really hard at losing weight. Uh yeah.

Today I stayed within my points. It wasn't that hard today considering that I slept most of the day. I woke up at 5:30, went back to bed with the boy, slept till 10. Woke up and eat breakfast, then put the boy back down for a nap at 12 and ended up sleeping too and then woke up again at 3:00. This kind of sounds like Carmen's diet. I barely had time to eat anything, I was too busy sleeping.

Goals for tomorrow:

Go to WW for a much overdue weigh in

Eat within my points

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

Heat in my toasty home

For only 2" of snow tomorrow, instead of like 18

Almond milk

My mom

The health of my family

Spanish "brown" rice???

So tonight I totally felt like I was channeling my mom. When I was a kid she was always trying to make our traditional Mexican dinners more healthy. I hated when she did that. I'd ask her to make Caldito and she'd add all kinds of veggies to it, and in the end it was just vegetable stew- blech! I have always been a traditionalist when it comes to a lot of my favorite foods. When it comes to comfort foods I don't like change. Well tonight my husband asked me to make Spanish Rice to go with our Burritos. So in trying to keep my points down I made it with brown rice. The whole time it was cooking I was thinking to myself this is going to be so gross. In the end it wasn't gross, but it wasn't great either, but desperate times call for desperate measures and I needed to stay within my points.

Good news is, I did stay within my points today plus some to spare.

Goals for tomorrow:

Eat within my points

Have fun with April

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

I am home with my son

Greg works from home 3 days a week

I have a healthy, strong body

My Dad is coming to visit next month

Theresa, Ellison and Adjei's visit this weekend

If you don't have anything nice to say...

Then don't blog anything at all?? Well that wouldn't be following through.

I eat horribly today. Bad, just bad. I had high hopes, but breakfast started off bad and then it was just a domino effect from there. The worst of it was that I finished the ho-hum brownies. One of my goals yesterday specifically said I was not to finish them! I should have just thrown those stupid brownies away.

As Scarlet says "After all... tomorrow is another day." I'm tired and grumpy and the boy is going to wake up soon, so I'm going to wrap up this joy-fest.

Goals for tomorrow:

Eat within my points

Finish cleaning my house

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

My sweet boy's smile

My warm bed

That Spring is around the corner

That I am able to make positive changes in my life

The love of my family and friends

Underwhelmed

I made brownies tonight. Dairy free dark chocolate brownies. I didn't want to put too much effort into it so they were just a box mix. Sadly they were not very good. I was craving gooey chocolatey yummy baked goodness and what I got was WAY underwhelming. I still had 3 of them though. Sad face. Well whatever. I'm sure it blew my points, haven't actually tracked the brownies yet.

Not sure how I'm doing on weight loss goals. I stay on track with my eating 95% of the time. But I haven't been to a WW meeting in 4 weeks. The old Alisa would have thrown in the towel at this point. The current Alisa is not quite there yet, but close. If I could just get to a weigh in and see where I'm at, it would make all the difference. This blog and my fellow FTers are really the only thing keeping me on track.

I've been discussing not going back to work with my husband. I've had some success in my career and it is a little scary to give it up, but at the same time my hear aches at the thought of leaving Luca for 8 hours a day. So I've come up with a solution... going freelance. So for right now I'm going to return to work in April and immediately start working toward the goal of working for IKEA as a freelance designer. From this point on I am going to really believe that this goal is possible. The universe needs to know that I mean business.

Goals for tomorrow:

Eat within my points

Do not finish the brownies!!!!

Invision myself working freelance and home with my son

Clean my house... Theresa's coming!

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

That those brownies weren't better tasting

Having options in my career

My beautiful boy that is sleeping close to 5 hours at a clip! Yay for mommy!

My home

The Housewives of Beverly Hills... my guilty pleasure.

xo,

Alisa

I'm hungry

Today I stayed within my points and tracked everything. I unknowingly drank 7 points of chocolate almond milk... that was a total waste of 7 points, 7 points that I could use right now because I'm hungry. I don't think this is boredom hunger either. Oh well maybe I'll dig into some of my weekly points.

Pre baby I was the queen of dining out. Post baby I've been cooking a lot more. It's not that I can't cook, it's just that I don't care for cooking much. I just like to eat with none of the work involved. But now that I'm home I'm getting in the habit of cooking 80% of our meals. This is good, because I feel like I have much better control over my my eating and ingredients used (dairy). Hopefully I can keep this up when I go back to work. Work takes a lot out of me. Who knew that Interior Design could break your back and spirit. Fluffing pillows is hard work.

Goals for tomorrow:

Be positive

Eat within my points

Drink more water

Wash the floors

Thankfulness:

Naps with Luca

Not really missing diary

Fruit being zero points

My car

Cuddling on the sofa with Greg after Luca has gone to bed

Good night!

Who eat 60 points worth of food today? This Binger!!

Yeah thats right... I eat 60 points today. 6-0. Mind you I get 43 points a day because I'm breastfeeding which a lot of points, but I had to add another 17. At least I tracked all 60 of my shameful points. Geez.

I return to work the second week in April and I'm dreading it so much. This has been on my mind non stop. Maybe that's why I'm eating so badly. The thought of going back to work is breaking my heart. On one hand I feel super lucky to be able to take as long as I have, but even 6 months doesn't seem long enough. I never in a thousand years thought I would want to be a stay at home mom, but here I am totally wishing I could stay with him. Then to add insult to injury... today I started to think about the fact that I will probably not return to work much skinnier than I am now. That sucks. Not that I thought I was Heidi Klum or anything, but I was at least hoping to go back to work a bit smaller than my pre-pregnancy weight (go ahead Alisa, have another 60 points!).

Goal for tomorrow:

Eat within my points!!!!!!

Enjoy every moment with my son

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

My Mom

Making Luca laugh

Being on maternity leave during the worst winter ever

My BFFs

This club which forces me to be honest with myself

"If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis"

Old Lady in Billy Madison

Sorry, I'm watching Billy Madison as I wrote my blog and I had to add that quote. Good night FTers.

Boring

In my dairy-free adventures I recently found chocolate almond milk. It is YUMMY and not that many points either. Not that I ever drank real chocolate milk before, but if I can find a delish dairy substitute I'm all about it. I really like the regular almond milk too. I think it's my favorite of the milk substitutes, it's not weird tasting at all.

For tomorrow:

Clean my house- btw, I read an article that said that having a dusty house is actually good for babies. Babies that live in moderately dusty homes have less allergies later in life. Well thats good news for me and Luca!

Drink more water

Have Faith

Track

Eat well

Also, I loved Jenna's idea to write down 5 things that you're grateful for. I'd like to do this as well. Thanks Jenna for the inspiration.

1. My husband

2. My son

3. My first born, Eleanor the english bulldog

4. My job

5. My health

Good night ladies!

Enough with the SNOW already!

So no weigh in tonight. UGH. This is the third week in a row that I have not been able to go to WW. I missed the first two because I was in NM and now the snow. Hopefully I'll be able to go to a meeting tomorrow.

About today, I went over my points a smidge. I knew I would and made a conscious decision to make my favorite sandwich and eat not half of it but the whole thing. Whatev. I tracked it, and it costed me quite a few points, but it was worth it.

This going to be another short blog, I'm pretty tired and the boy is going to wake up soon. Good night!

Goals are pretty much the same for tomorrow:

Track

Eat well

Drink water

Have faith

Good Things

Luca went to the doctor today to check on his milk sensitivity... and he doing really well! My dairy free diet has paid off. Hopefully he will outgrow this sensitivity by 9 months, then I think I will bathe in macaroni and cheese while drinking a vanilla milk shake. Oh how I miss you dairy, but I am very happy that Luca's little system is back to normal.

I stayed within my points today with 2 points to spare. I tracked everything I eat as well. Still struggling with finding the time to exercise, but as Luca settles more into a day time nap schedule I think I will have more opportunities.

Drinking more water, for whatever reason I did not get to 8, but at least I feel hydrated.

Tomorrow is WW... dun dun dunnnnnn. I'll let you know the results.

Focus

Last night it was apparent to me that though I'm tracking and trying very hard to stay within my points, I'm not truly following through on my goals. I'm still struggling with worrying about my son. Luca is very healthy and hasn't had any problems since my last dairy slip up in NM. But last night out of no where my mind started to race and before I knew it I was really upset worrying about things large and small. I think I have never loved anyone or anything so much as this tiny boy and the unknown scares me. Getting that upset means I am not even trying to follow through on my original goal of "Having Faith". Maybe all first time mothers feel this way, or maybe not. Maybe I'm completely manic, who knows. But I really need to give up the idea that my son is safe or healthy because of me. I can't control the world around him or anything within his body. I have to believe that as much as I love my son that God loves him even more and can control all of the things I cannot. This is extremely hard for me. But maybe faith just takes practice. So practice I will. I don't want to live in fear of the unknown nor do I want to teach my son that, that is any way to function or live. I don't want him to be afraid of anything.

As for the weight loss goal, I'm not sure how I'm doing on that one. This is third week in a row that I have missed WW meetings. Yesterday I did track and did stay within my points. Tonight I tracked and stayed within my points as well. I am going to wait until next Wed. to weigh in. I guess we'll see.I also need to follow through on my exercise goal. This is major. I need to stop with the excuses and just find the time. It's not going to be easy, but even if I can just work out three times a week. I'm drinking only about half the water that I wanted to and still not taking daily vitamins.

I need to try harder and not partially follow through, but do the best I can at completely following through.

So tomorrow's goals are to focus on:

-Tracking

-Making good eating decisions

-Drinking 8 glasses of water

-Having faith

-Exercising for 30 minutes

-Taking my vitamins

About half of these goals take almost no effort at all and the others will take much more. I'd like to have an honest success to share you ladies tomorrow. Cross your fingers.

Mango sorbet, you bitch.

I went over my points today. I would have actually made my points goal if it hadn't been for the mango sorbet. I'm having dairy withdrawal, and craving all kinds of dairy desserts. Because I haven't had honest to goodness dairy in about a month I'm totally compensating by eating way too much of non dairy treats that I don't even happen to like. In New Mexico my Mom made me a cherry pie because I wanted dessert so bad. Mind you, this pie was dairy free, not fat free. The funny thing is that I don't like fruit pies. I've always said "fruit ruins dessert" don't try to church-up my desserts by adding healthy ingredients. I like my baked goods completely fattening thank you very much. I also do not care for sorbet all that much and actually don't really like mango much either. So why did I eat so much of it tonight???

I also didn't make it to WW. My husband had an appointment at the same time as tonights meeting, so I stayed home with the boy. I guess I will go tomorrow night.

So on to the rest of my goals that I did not accomplish:

I didn't drink 8 glasses of water, only got around to 3.

I didn't straighten my hair. The boy didn't nap for as long as I had hoped. Curly hair won.

What I did accomplish is:

I did only drink 2 glasses of soda... even if they were 2 rather large glasses.

I did track everything I eat.

Goals for tomorrow:

Track everything!!!!!!!

Weigh in at WW

Drink 8 glasses of water

Drink no more than 2 glasses of diet soda

Stay within my points and make smarter decisions

Clean my house

Have a nice weekend FT Mujeres!

I'm Back!!!

I'm back from New Mexico and though I already miss home, I'm happy to get my baby back on to his normal schedule. He was a party animal in NM... or more like I made him be a party animal, poor little dude was a trooper. I'd like to report that I had an amazing with my eating my first day back. But I didn't. I eat some really fattening soup that my mother in law brought over and way too much pita and hummus. I'm sort of afraid to even track the pita and hummus splurge, but I will.

I haven't gone to WW in 2 weeks. I was in NM for both Wed night meetings. So I I'm going to go tomorrow. I'm a little scared. I sure eat a lot of sopapillas, you lovely pillows of fried goodness. Hope they don't come back to haunt me at weigh-in.

So far I'm not doing so good with drinking more water. I think I need to make more specific goals for myself. So here they are:

-Drink 8 glasses of water tomorrow

-Track everything I eat

-drink no more than 2 glasses of diet soda

-Stay within my daily points allowance

-Blow out my hair

If you're wondering about the hair goal... I have naturally curly hair that I have disliked since forever. I have been wearing it straight for the last 8 years until now. I just don't have the time to straighten my hair anymore. I feel so much prettier with it straight. So thats the deal with that.

ps- I just want to say thank you to all you FT girls and your daily support and wisdom!!

The final countdown...

So tomorrow is my first weigh-in. Here's hoping for a good one! I'm not actually expecting much. Not because I haven't been following the program, I really have. But because I get a ton of points. When your breastfeeding they add like 30 extra points to your daily allowance so I'm actually eating really well. I don't feel deprived at all. Usually when I'm doing well on a diet I eat air, sawdust and splenda and I'm completely miserable. So it just doesn't seem like it would work... we will see.

So on to today: totally tracked my food and still had some points left over for an Edy's fruit bar. I'm totally addicted!! They are only 2 points so I never just eat one. Also, I eat my first meal at 11:30. Baby steps, it was better than the usual 2:00. Tomorrow I will shoot for eating breakfast before 10:30.

Tomorrow I take my son for a check up on his cow's milk allergy. I'm feeling positive, I've been doing really well excluding dairy from my diet. So, I'm just trying to practice having faith that his allergy is close to being under control.

Also, last night at like 3:00am while up with the boy I was thinking about how well I took care of myself while I was pregnant. I eat only "pregnancy friendly foods", drank tons of water, eat close to no sugar and caffeine and took my prenatal vitamins every day. Since having my son all that is out the window. Of course I no longer need to exclude tuna and brie from my diet, but there is no reason why I couldn't have kept up the rest of it. It made me realize that I need to take care of myself as well or at least close to as well as I take care of my son. So I'm adding a couple of new goals for myself to follow through on:

1. drink 8 glasses of water a day

2. take vitamins daily

3. Make my health a priority (it can't just be about being a smaller size)

Oh, and one last thing... I was day dreaming today and it occurred to me that we should be on Oprah. We could talk about how amazing our accomplishments are and how the Follow Through Club changed our lives. Then our club becomes one of Oprah's favorite things and we all get book deals. Some incentive to follow through Ladies!!

Enchiladas: Get in my mouth

So I leave for New Mexico on Thursday and I'm so excited! I'm excited to see my family and introduce my son to all of them and I'm excited to eat... eat all my favorite foods at all my favorite restaurants. I'm slightly concerned that I may blow all my points by 3:00 every day. It's going to take all my might not to pig out like I love to do. One thing that is sort of helping me not obsess over what I want to eat while home is the fact that all my favorite dishes will have to be prepared cheese free. Which in most cases kind of ruins it for me. Which is a good thing, for right now anyway. I of course will continue to track my points while home and (cross your fingers) stay within my points allowance.

About today... I had my first weigh-in and guess who's 1.4 lbs lighter??? Me! I guess it does work. I figured out that if I just continued to loose a mere 1.5 lbs per week I will be at goal of

-40lbs by my birthday in August. Hooray!!!

I'm probably going to keep my posts short and sweet for the next 12 days, but know that I am totally going to be focused on my eating while I'm home. I'll let you know all about it.

Now I have a billion and one things to do including packing for my 3 month old... it's crazy how much stuff I have to bring for him! Ah procrastination!

Finding the time

So another day done. I'm feeling like this way of eating is totally doable. Still tracking my food in my fancy app and learning a lot in the process. The only problem that I'm having is that I'm not eating my first meal until well after 1:00, usually closer to 2:00 and then I'm starving. I'm still learning how to manage my day with a newborn. After waking up multiple times throughout the night and wee hours of the morning I get up for the last time around 9:00 and feed the boy and then change the boy and dress the boy and feed the boy and then change the boy again... you get the picture. So I'm going to make it a priority to eat breakfast before 10:30.

Eating isn't the only area that I'm having time management issues. I'm finding it really hard to make time for pilates. This is the second day that I haven't been able to work out. A couple of you ladies have said that I need to be easier on myself... so I am. I have a newborn and my days are kind of crazy. I'm hoping in a month I will have a much better handle on my days and can make time for pilates then. So I will follow through on that goal in the near future. I just don't want to blog every day how I failed to exercise. That sucks, I don't want to write that and you all don't want to read that... no one likes a Debbie Downer. So daily pilates is TBD for right now or the rare night that I can squeeze it in.

Close but no cigar

Day two of following through. Well I tried anyway. Maybe not hard enough. We'll start with the good news...

I tracked all my food today and journaled it in a great WW app on my phone. It's totally helpful. I still have 10 pts left and thinking about having some sort of dessert. Yay!

On having faith, that was a little more challenging. My beautiful baby boy has a cow's milk allergy. I'm breastfeeding him I recently found out that he is allergic to the dairy in my diet. So I've stopped eating milk, cheese, butter, etc. I thought it would be hard, but honestly it's not. If I were doing it for some fad diet I'd be dying right now, dreaming of cheese. But since it's for my baby, so that it doesn't upset his GI track... it's no problem. I'm not even trying to sound selfless or anything, it's just the truth. Anyway, as hard as I try I unknowingly ate a sauce that was made with butter last night. I was really upset about it when I found out and continued to be upset today, especially when he was effected by that dairy. But I didn't let it ruin my entire day I just prayed as I fed my baby asking God to bless his meal and not let it harm his belly. That's all I can do. So maybe I only get half points on that one.

Now for the bad news...

I totally blew it on the pilates goal. I will do better tomorrow. I really wanted to change my pilates goal and make it 3 times a week instead of everyday... but that would not be following through. Anyway, I need that 45 min 7 days a week to meet my 4th goal of losing 40 pounds. Geez.

The plan...

My best friend Tereka asked me to be apart of her "Follow Through Club". Usually "clubs" aren't my bag. Mainly because I don't like sharing about myself. But I did like the idea behind it. I would rather break my leg than let someone else down, but I will let myself down and not really think twice about it. I don't often "follow through" when it only concerns me.

So on the first day of the new year I will make a commitment to myself (and because of my history of flakiness I am also sharing my commitment with my fellow club members and anyone else who happens upon my blog) to follow through in 2011 in these areas:

1. Have faith. I'm a new mom with the most amazing 2 month old and I worry about him... a lot. I don't really have a reason to worry, I just do. I need to let go of the worry and trust that God is taking care of him.

2. Eat healthier. I recently joined WW and will track everything that goes into my mouth and will stay within my points allowance.

3. Be active everyday. I hate the gym, so I will not be committing to a gym membership. However, I will do pilates for 45 minutes every day. Seriously, I hurts me to even type this.

4. Loose 40 lbs by my birthday. I can't think of a better gift.

5. Post daily. I will track my progress good or bad.

I'm hoping that by following through on these goals I will change my life in big and small ways. Most importantly I will learn to trust myself. Good luck to the other ladies and good luck to myself... I'm going to need it!