TOXIC

The name of my blog is totally inappropriate. For being called RIP frosting, I'm eating a lot of effing frosting. Frosting is not dead in my house. My husband... he's such a love, but today he went food shopping for us and among other things bought a box of dark chocolate brownies and dark chocolate frosting for on top. I should have thrown them away or at least put them in the back of the pantry, but instead I baked them. These mediocre boxed mixes are freaking toxic for me. All these non-dairy, chemical filled, artificially flavored baked goods are bad news. Right now I'm making a vow... no more will I eat this crap. They are derailing my weight loss and making me feel icky.

So it's safe to say that I did not follow through on today's goal of eating reasonably. Wah wah waaaah.

Tomorrow's goals:

NO BROWNIES

Eat reasonably

Track

Take vitamins

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

That I can make changes in my life

Luca has his 4 month appointment tomorrow

My husband offered to throw away the rest of the brownies:)

My mom joined WW

Thick fluffy socks... my feet are cold without them

Ay ya ya

I haven't blogged in several days, mostly because I just didn't want to. I also haven't wanted to track or eat reasonably either. Today I felt like I might want to get back into things. The +2 lbs really threw me off. Rather than being motivated by it and saying "Yeah, I'm going to show those 2 lbs GRRRR!" Then like head butt something. Instead, I made another freaking Duncan Hines cake. But honestly, I'm okay with it.

I'm also re-evaluating my WW status. The meetings are just not me. I don't go to them, so basically I'm just paying for weigh-ins. So I think I'm going to adjust my WW plan to just online. I still really see the value with the tracking app on my phone, so I'll need to pay for the e-tools, but I will just weigh myself from home.

I still have no idea if I'm going back to work in mid April. I'm really hoping that things just become clear to me soon. I'm super conflicted and it's just not an easy decision to make. I really want to be home with my boy. I love our time together. But, I also know how hard it will be to give up having financial freedom and a career.

So goals for tomorrow:

Track

Eat reasonably

Take my vitamins

Drink more water

Straighten my hair

Thankfulness:

Being home with my boy for the first 6 months of his precious life

Making new friends

Fun with old friends

Conan... I have loved his show for forever

That I don't eat cigarette ashes or laundry detergent... have you seen this show??? It's just gross. All these "hording" and "weird addiction" shows are so exploitive.

I don't effing appreciate it

I went to weigh in yesterday completely prepared to get my -1.4. For some reason my body has decided to let go of weight 1.4 lbs at a time. Now I am reasonable girl, my expectations are not crazy. When I eat like an asshole and don't track, I fully expect to gain. But when you track all week long and eat reasonably,(except for my cupcake binge- which was all tracked)and stay within my points, I would have never guessed that I would have gained. I stepped on the scale and the lady pauses and says in a low voice "you had a little bit of a gain". I immediately think oh, like .5 or something not so tragic, after all I tracked my points. Then she continues "2 pounds". What???? I look at her confused and repeat "2 pounds????"

What kind of bullshit is this????

Fast forward to today... I eat like jerk and didn't track a thing. It's almost like I'm trying to punish WW for letting me down. RETARDED, I'm sure I didn't teach WW a lesson. I'm pissed off. I've only lost 4 lbs total and now I've gained half of it back. WW, I am not one of your fans!!!!!!

Ok, now that I've ranted sufficiently, on with tomorrows goals:

Party with Gallant and Fava

Buy a cute shirt for said partying

Track- even if it's bullshit

Eat reasonably

Thankfulness:

That I have 40 lbs to lose and not 100

Being with Luca every day

Music

The mommy/baby group... Luca has a friend named Theodore

Gallant and Fava, my sisters from another mister

Attack of the killer CUPCAKES

I had a great Valentines day with my two boys. We usually don't exchange gifts for Valentines, we kind of consider it a fake holiday. But we will go out for a nice dinner. This year because of the little dude, rather than get a sitter we decided to just stay home and cook dinner together. I made Mexican, my husbands favorite. Mexican is really quite good without the cheese... there are so many other flavors that you just don't miss it. I also baked some cupcakes... not a good move. I was looking online for dairy free cupcake recipes and came across a blog from a mom of two kids with dairy allergies. Her blog was about trying to find cake that her kids could eat, anyway she says that Duncan Hines makes dairy free cake mixes and frostings. Now usually I will snub my nose at boxed cake mixes, I'm a total snob when it comes to baked goods. But I have been craving cake so I freaking made boxed cake... and it was good... enough. So good in fact that I eat 4 cupcakes on Valentines. You know how many points that was... 26. Seriously, 26 points. Ay ya ya. Needless to say I cut a chunk out of my weekly points. So we will see how weigh in goes tomorrow. The thing is that I did really well the rest of the week, hopefully I didn't blow it completely.

Tomorrow's goals:

Track

Stay within my points

Go to mommy & baby group

Weigh in

Thankfulness:

Theresa, She's been my best friend since high school

My family in New Mexico, I miss them so much

Laughing at the top of my lungs... going to do much of that on Friday night!!!

Baked goods, even bad ones sometimes aren't so bad

Losing weight little by little

good night!

Finding the Time

It's been a couple of days since you've heard from me. I have recently re-evaluated my schedule. In doing so, I have lost the time I used to use for blogging. The good new is that I'm more rested the bad news is it's a little tough trying to find time to blog now.

So to catch you up, I did go to WW on Wednesday night. I'm down another 1.4. I'm just glad I didn't gain. This week has gone really well as far as my eating goes. Yesterday I did cut into my weekly points a little, but only by 3. Otherwise I've been doing pretty good. I'm excited to hopefully lose another 1.5 at Wednesdays weigh in.

Tonight I'm eating food from my favorite Thai restaurant. I've ordered Tom Yom Goong soup with Fresh Rolls. I'm not sure what points either of those are going to cost me, but I feel pretty good about my choices. At least I didn't order Drunken Noodles.

Goals for Tomorrow:

Blog

Track

Eat within my points

Thankfulness:

Skyping with my Brother today

A healthy baby boy

My home

No snow

Not being so sleepy

I may not be skinnier but...

At least I eat within my points today! I mean I eat to the last point. No points wasted here. I have nothing interesting to say tonight, not that most of my blogs are all that interesting. I'm going to WW with April tomorrow to weigh in and face the music.

Hopefully it's not too bad.

I'm also going to go to a Mommy/Baby group tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm going to like it much, but at least I will be able to talk about baby stuff with someone other mothers. Poor Gallant, I'm always talking to her about something baby related, she's such a good sport.

My goals for tomorrow:

Go to WW

Make a Dermatologist appointment

Eat within my points

Track

Go to Baby group

Thankfulness:

My WW app on my phone

My husband is funny, he cracks me up.

Chocolate Brown- it's my go-to color

That I hate fast food

Eating within my points

Quickly... before he wakes up!

I accomplished both goals for today. Track & blog. I indeed tracked all my points and in doing so, found out that I eat 51. Eeeek. So I went over my points allowance by 8 points.

It was that damn french bread again. I mean it was handmade, freshly baked french bread. I only did what any sane person would do... I eat it quickly before it got stale and hard (I hate crunchy bread). Oh and did I mention that I eat all by myself, Greg didn't even get a bite. But before you judge me too harshly, know that it was only about 6-7 inches long. It wasn't a whole baguette, thank god. Oh and I added vegan butter all over it.

Even though I did over indulge today, I feel a bit more motivated than I did over the weekend. I need a little bit of a push to get me focused again. I need more motivation than "for my health". That's what I can tell myself later, but for right now it is really all about getting into a smaller size and feeling good in my skin. I need a loss at next weeks weigh in. So the plan is until next weeks weigh in to eat well and within my points. Just to see what perfect will get me. Because at this point I am fully aware of what messing around gets me... unmotivated.

So tomorrows goals:

Stay within my points allowance

Track everything

Blog

Shopping

Thankfulness:

-My knee feel really great... I was supposed to have surgery on my knee last year and decided against it. I'm so glad I didn't because my knee feels great and hasn't given me any problems for the last year.

-My Brother. He's a sweet boy and a much nicer person than I am.

-The land of enchantment. I love my home, I miss New Mexico so much.

-Starting over

-Swaddling... the boy sleeps so well when he's swaddled giving me some time to shower, eat, an hour or two of alone time, all stuff you take for granted before you have a baby.

Fessing up

So... I didn't blog yesterday and I really didn't feel like blogging tonight. I'm feeling dangerously unmotivated. I also haven't tracked my food in two days. Hopefully this is just bad couple of days. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and be totally ready to do this. Even if I don't, I will continue. I need to FOLLOW THROUGH.

I need to get serious and I'm not sure why this is proving to be so difficult.

I'm going to keep my goals for tomorrow simple:

TRACK and BLOG. Thats it. I think accomplishing these two goals will keep me accountable and aware, which is super important for me as I'm teetering on the edge.

Thankfulness:

-My FTers... I'm glad you ladies are watching.

-Freshly baked french bread... Thank you April, I couldn't resist and already had some with my non-dairy fake butter

-My curls, I got several complements today... at least others like them ;)

-Breastfeeding. It sounds weird to people and some are even freaked out by it. But I'm so grateful for the experience of feeding my son the most natural, organic way I can.

-Laying in bed with my boys just hanging out in our pajamas.

dreaming of butter cream frosting

I am dreaming of cake with butter cream frosting. I guess the no dairy thing is coming in handy. Otherwise, I would have totally ordered a dozen of my favorite white chocolate macadamia nut cupcakes from April, baker extraordinaire. Notice that I didn't order cupcakes because I'm on WW and I'm working really hard at losing weight. Uh yeah.

Today I stayed within my points. It wasn't that hard today considering that I slept most of the day. I woke up at 5:30, went back to bed with the boy, slept till 10. Woke up and eat breakfast, then put the boy back down for a nap at 12 and ended up sleeping too and then woke up again at 3:00. This kind of sounds like Carmen's diet. I barely had time to eat anything, I was too busy sleeping.

Goals for tomorrow:

Go to WW for a much overdue weigh in

Eat within my points

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

Heat in my toasty home

For only 2" of snow tomorrow, instead of like 18

Almond milk

My mom

The health of my family

Spanish "brown" rice???

So tonight I totally felt like I was channeling my mom. When I was a kid she was always trying to make our traditional Mexican dinners more healthy. I hated when she did that. I'd ask her to make Caldito and she'd add all kinds of veggies to it, and in the end it was just vegetable stew- blech! I have always been a traditionalist when it comes to a lot of my favorite foods. When it comes to comfort foods I don't like change. Well tonight my husband asked me to make Spanish Rice to go with our Burritos. So in trying to keep my points down I made it with brown rice. The whole time it was cooking I was thinking to myself this is going to be so gross. In the end it wasn't gross, but it wasn't great either, but desperate times call for desperate measures and I needed to stay within my points.

Good news is, I did stay within my points today plus some to spare.

Goals for tomorrow:

Eat within my points

Have fun with April

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

I am home with my son

Greg works from home 3 days a week

I have a healthy, strong body

My Dad is coming to visit next month

Theresa, Ellison and Adjei's visit this weekend

If you don't have anything nice to say...

Then don't blog anything at all?? Well that wouldn't be following through.

I eat horribly today. Bad, just bad. I had high hopes, but breakfast started off bad and then it was just a domino effect from there. The worst of it was that I finished the ho-hum brownies. One of my goals yesterday specifically said I was not to finish them! I should have just thrown those stupid brownies away.

As Scarlet says "After all... tomorrow is another day." I'm tired and grumpy and the boy is going to wake up soon, so I'm going to wrap up this joy-fest.

Goals for tomorrow:

Eat within my points

Finish cleaning my house

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

My sweet boy's smile

My warm bed

That Spring is around the corner

That I am able to make positive changes in my life

The love of my family and friends

Underwhelmed

I made brownies tonight. Dairy free dark chocolate brownies. I didn't want to put too much effort into it so they were just a box mix. Sadly they were not very good. I was craving gooey chocolatey yummy baked goodness and what I got was WAY underwhelming. I still had 3 of them though. Sad face. Well whatever. I'm sure it blew my points, haven't actually tracked the brownies yet.

Not sure how I'm doing on weight loss goals. I stay on track with my eating 95% of the time. But I haven't been to a WW meeting in 4 weeks. The old Alisa would have thrown in the towel at this point. The current Alisa is not quite there yet, but close. If I could just get to a weigh in and see where I'm at, it would make all the difference. This blog and my fellow FTers are really the only thing keeping me on track.

I've been discussing not going back to work with my husband. I've had some success in my career and it is a little scary to give it up, but at the same time my hear aches at the thought of leaving Luca for 8 hours a day. So I've come up with a solution... going freelance. So for right now I'm going to return to work in April and immediately start working toward the goal of working for IKEA as a freelance designer. From this point on I am going to really believe that this goal is possible. The universe needs to know that I mean business.

Goals for tomorrow:

Eat within my points

Do not finish the brownies!!!!

Invision myself working freelance and home with my son

Clean my house... Theresa's coming!

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

That those brownies weren't better tasting

Having options in my career

My beautiful boy that is sleeping close to 5 hours at a clip! Yay for mommy!

My home

The Housewives of Beverly Hills... my guilty pleasure.

xo,

Alisa