I just can't get it together

Thats right, you read the title. I am just not feeling it anymore. I have unofficially lost my motivation. I say unofficially because there is still a little voice inside saying "It's only going to get worse if you do nothing". Tomorrow I'm going to try and start over. I just want to get my mojo back. I'm still not tracking or really eating well. Usually my first two meals are ok, dinner is hit and miss, but then I have started snacking at night. I have never been a snacker. I have a lot of issues with food, but until recently that has never been one of them. I just get hungry... maybe it's real hunger, but probably not. I really don't want to start any new bad habits, I have enough of those already.

As you ladies know, I've been talking to my boss about working from home part time. Over the last week I have been going back in forth with him. In the end I have negotiated two days a week from home. It's not what I originally wanted, but I am not turning it down. I'm going to give it a try and see how it works out. I'm hoping that it becomes the perfect compromise. Now I need start interviewing Nannies for the days I'm not home. Hopefully I can find someone great.

Keeping the goals for tomorrow simple:

Track

Eat well

Thanks:

My boy... he seriously cracks me up (I know I write about him a lot but I just can't help myself)

Working from home/more time with the boy YAY!

Mom and Stepfather are coming to visit in June

The sun shining even if it's still cold

Having an excuse to redo my office/guest bedroom

Break Down Shake Down

Hi FTers, long time no blog. I just didn't want to. But I'm trying to get it together. My eating these past two weeks have not been the best but not dreadful, but the last couple of the days I have been mindful of my eating and I've been drinking an decent amount of water and taking my vitamins for a while now. Tomorrow I will start tracking again.

The clock is ticking and my return to work is quickly approaching. I hate it. Last Friday I went and checked out a daycare that was highly recommended to me. It was fine and the woman in-charge of the infant room was very nice, but I just couldn't imagine leaving my son there 5 days a week. I cried driving home from the tour. I've been in talks with my manager to work from home a 2.5 days a week. He was very receptive when I gave him my proposal... today I got an email from him saying that he showed my proposal to his boss and now they have a "very different" option for me. My heart dropped when I read that. It's going to be some shit like "you can work 4-10s" I just know it. If they offer me some lame option, I seriously don't know if I'll go back. I do have one more trick up my sleeve... I called my friend who works at our North American HQ. He's given me some info on a freelance design gig. I may have to explore that option more soon. First, I'm going to call my boss tomorrow and hopefully get the whole scoop.

Since I've been gone a while I feel like it might me a good idea for me to re-examine my goals:

1. Track and go to WW weigh-ins.

2. Loose weight... for myself and for my family. I don't want to pass on any of my food issues.

3. Have faith

4. Get Active, even if it's just a brisk walk around the block.

goals for tomorrow:

1. Track

2. Drink more water

3. Appreciate every moment with my son

4. Stay focused

Thanks:

1. My cousin Iris

2. The love that my son receives from my friends and family

3. Spring is March 22!

4. My husband supporting me, even though the thought of me not working really freaks him out

5. That my Mom is coming in June!!!!

TOXIC

The name of my blog is totally inappropriate. For being called RIP frosting, I'm eating a lot of effing frosting. Frosting is not dead in my house. My husband... he's such a love, but today he went food shopping for us and among other things bought a box of dark chocolate brownies and dark chocolate frosting for on top. I should have thrown them away or at least put them in the back of the pantry, but instead I baked them. These mediocre boxed mixes are freaking toxic for me. All these non-dairy, chemical filled, artificially flavored baked goods are bad news. Right now I'm making a vow... no more will I eat this crap. They are derailing my weight loss and making me feel icky.

So it's safe to say that I did not follow through on today's goal of eating reasonably. Wah wah waaaah.

Tomorrow's goals:

NO BROWNIES

Eat reasonably

Track

Take vitamins

Drink more water

Thankfulness:

That I can make changes in my life

Luca has his 4 month appointment tomorrow

My husband offered to throw away the rest of the brownies:)

My mom joined WW

Thick fluffy socks... my feet are cold without them

Ay ya ya

I haven't blogged in several days, mostly because I just didn't want to. I also haven't wanted to track or eat reasonably either. Today I felt like I might want to get back into things. The +2 lbs really threw me off. Rather than being motivated by it and saying "Yeah, I'm going to show those 2 lbs GRRRR!" Then like head butt something. Instead, I made another freaking Duncan Hines cake. But honestly, I'm okay with it.

I'm also re-evaluating my WW status. The meetings are just not me. I don't go to them, so basically I'm just paying for weigh-ins. So I think I'm going to adjust my WW plan to just online. I still really see the value with the tracking app on my phone, so I'll need to pay for the e-tools, but I will just weigh myself from home.

I still have no idea if I'm going back to work in mid April. I'm really hoping that things just become clear to me soon. I'm super conflicted and it's just not an easy decision to make. I really want to be home with my boy. I love our time together. But, I also know how hard it will be to give up having financial freedom and a career.

So goals for tomorrow:

Track

Eat reasonably

Take my vitamins

Drink more water

Straighten my hair

Thankfulness:

Being home with my boy for the first 6 months of his precious life

Making new friends

Fun with old friends

Conan... I have loved his show for forever

That I don't eat cigarette ashes or laundry detergent... have you seen this show??? It's just gross. All these "hording" and "weird addiction" shows are so exploitive.

I don't effing appreciate it

I went to weigh in yesterday completely prepared to get my -1.4. For some reason my body has decided to let go of weight 1.4 lbs at a time. Now I am reasonable girl, my expectations are not crazy. When I eat like an asshole and don't track, I fully expect to gain. But when you track all week long and eat reasonably,(except for my cupcake binge- which was all tracked)and stay within my points, I would have never guessed that I would have gained. I stepped on the scale and the lady pauses and says in a low voice "you had a little bit of a gain". I immediately think oh, like .5 or something not so tragic, after all I tracked my points. Then she continues "2 pounds". What???? I look at her confused and repeat "2 pounds????"

What kind of bullshit is this????

Fast forward to today... I eat like jerk and didn't track a thing. It's almost like I'm trying to punish WW for letting me down. RETARDED, I'm sure I didn't teach WW a lesson. I'm pissed off. I've only lost 4 lbs total and now I've gained half of it back. WW, I am not one of your fans!!!!!!

Ok, now that I've ranted sufficiently, on with tomorrows goals:

Party with Gallant and Fava

Buy a cute shirt for said partying

Track- even if it's bullshit

Eat reasonably

Thankfulness:

That I have 40 lbs to lose and not 100

Being with Luca every day

Music

The mommy/baby group... Luca has a friend named Theodore

Gallant and Fava, my sisters from another mister

Attack of the killer CUPCAKES

I had a great Valentines day with my two boys. We usually don't exchange gifts for Valentines, we kind of consider it a fake holiday. But we will go out for a nice dinner. This year because of the little dude, rather than get a sitter we decided to just stay home and cook dinner together. I made Mexican, my husbands favorite. Mexican is really quite good without the cheese... there are so many other flavors that you just don't miss it. I also baked some cupcakes... not a good move. I was looking online for dairy free cupcake recipes and came across a blog from a mom of two kids with dairy allergies. Her blog was about trying to find cake that her kids could eat, anyway she says that Duncan Hines makes dairy free cake mixes and frostings. Now usually I will snub my nose at boxed cake mixes, I'm a total snob when it comes to baked goods. But I have been craving cake so I freaking made boxed cake... and it was good... enough. So good in fact that I eat 4 cupcakes on Valentines. You know how many points that was... 26. Seriously, 26 points. Ay ya ya. Needless to say I cut a chunk out of my weekly points. So we will see how weigh in goes tomorrow. The thing is that I did really well the rest of the week, hopefully I didn't blow it completely.

Tomorrow's goals:

Track

Stay within my points

Go to mommy & baby group

Weigh in

Thankfulness:

Theresa, She's been my best friend since high school

My family in New Mexico, I miss them so much

Laughing at the top of my lungs... going to do much of that on Friday night!!!

Baked goods, even bad ones sometimes aren't so bad

Losing weight little by little

good night!

Finding the Time

It's been a couple of days since you've heard from me. I have recently re-evaluated my schedule. In doing so, I have lost the time I used to use for blogging. The good new is that I'm more rested the bad news is it's a little tough trying to find time to blog now.

So to catch you up, I did go to WW on Wednesday night. I'm down another 1.4. I'm just glad I didn't gain. This week has gone really well as far as my eating goes. Yesterday I did cut into my weekly points a little, but only by 3. Otherwise I've been doing pretty good. I'm excited to hopefully lose another 1.5 at Wednesdays weigh in.

Tonight I'm eating food from my favorite Thai restaurant. I've ordered Tom Yom Goong soup with Fresh Rolls. I'm not sure what points either of those are going to cost me, but I feel pretty good about my choices. At least I didn't order Drunken Noodles.

Goals for Tomorrow:

Blog

Track

Eat within my points

Thankfulness:

Skyping with my Brother today

A healthy baby boy

My home

No snow

Not being so sleepy